


fall for you

by choose_joy



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, M/M, Relationship Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:42:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27890206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/choose_joy/pseuds/choose_joy
Summary: after prague, hamid and zolf are on perpendicular tracks. this is what happens when they come back together.spoilers for everything ep 65 and on.
Relationships: Hamid Saleh Haroun al-Tahan/Zolf Smith
Comments: 3
Kudos: 10





	fall for you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ohallows](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohallows/gifts).



The first thing Hamid notices is the silence. Zolf’s always been quiet, to a certain extent. Even before Prague,  _ especially  _ before Prague, he would be purposefully vague about his past, would keep his emotions hidden unless they affected the group. In many ways, it's the marking of a good leader-- able to separate himself from the work that needs to be done.

Hamid’s never been good at that.

Remembering Sasha with him... it's hard. For the first time in a long time, there’s a truce. If they had to fight tonight too, Hamid doesn’t know what he’d do. He misses the easy way they could all interact, misses the way Sasha’s awkwardness could soften Zolf’s edges, could get him to let down his guard. They were a good team, the three of them. They could have  _ been  _ good, if Zolf would have given him-- given  _ them _ a chance.

And that’s not fair, not really. Zolf’s doing his best. Hamid knows. They’re all doing their best, because it's all they can do right now. And Zolf needed to leave, needed to work his way into being better. He  _ is  _ better, Hamid can see, even if it breaks his heart a little bit to know that maybe they’re always going to be on offset tracks, not meant to cross again, even if they come close. Knows that whatever they might have had before Prague is long gone, is something to lock away again.

Hamid knows that it's as much his own fault as it is Zolf’s. Knows that he still has a lot of growing to do, that Zolf has had over a year to live without him. And it  _ hurts.  _ Of course it hurts, to know that his friend, his... something, thinks that he’s not trying to be better. He  _ is _ , but he’s back and suddenly the world has gone on without him and his family is who knows where and his friends are either gone or dead.

So, maybe they don’t talk. Maybe they sit in silence, passing a bottle of whiskey between themselves. Maybe Hamid lets his head drop to Zolf’s shoulder, and maybe Zolf drapes an arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer. Maybe they can’t talk yet. Maybe the easiest thing to do is just  _ not fight. _

So they don’t. 

~~~

The first time Zolf sees Hamid, his heart stops beating for a moment. He’s never believed in love at first sight, so the second Hamid opens his mouth, Zolf is almost relieved. He’s a nice enough guy, and yes, he’s incredibly handsome, but he’s also naive, and stubborn, and reckless.

The trouble comes later, of course. Once he actually gets to know Hamid. He’s still naive and stubborn and reckless, but he’s also fiercely loyal and brave and kind, and Zolf’s a goner. But he’s also Hamid’s  _ boss,  _ and frankly, they don’t have the time for a grand confession of feelings, let alone time for a private meal together. It’s better that way, anyway. Best for his feelings to remain hidden so he doesn’t compromise their mission.

Somehow, that makes leaving in Prague harder than it should be. It leaves him with a loose thread, because even if Zolf isn’t the most observant, he’s also not  _ stupid _ . He sees the way Hamid’s eyes flick to him when they’re in a fight, sees the way he sticks to his side a little closer than is necessary, sees how Hamid’s the first one to run to his side when he’s had a nightmare. Maybe it's unintentional, but it's something, and that makes it worse.

So, he leaves. He leaves, and he grows, and then Hamid and Sasha are gone and he grieves. 

Wilde’s the only one who knows exactly what happened when he gets that news. It sets him back more than he’d like to admit.

It's easy to befriend Wilde, after all that. 

He gets over it. And the world goes to shit, but he’s  _ fine.  _ What else does he have to lose, now? So he throws himself into helping others again. Joins up with Wilde and Barnes and Carter when there’s precious few people left to trust, and plays the strong role again. And it works, for a while. He doesn’t have to talk about things anymore, can instead focus on caring for others again. 

And then Hamid is back. And Sasha isn’t. And then the world has other plans for them and suddenly they’re in an airship.

And then Wilde is gone, too.

When Hamid tries to hug him, he can’t do it. Too much has changed, and he feels  _ raw,  _ and it can’t be that easy, not for him. Life can’t work out for him like that. So he shrugs off the hug, allows himself a squeeze on the shoulder, and then moves on.

~~~

Paths divulge. It's the way of life to separate from people, and most of the time, we can’t predict when it’ll happen. When you’ll see someone for the last time, or whether you’ll ever meet someone again.

You breathe in, you breathe out.

For Zolf and Hamid, it takes time. It takes hours of talking,  _ truly  _ talking, to even get a point where trust is on the cards again, and takes longer still to get back to where they were. Words evolve into actions-- Hamid accepting Zolf’s protection, Zolf intentionally reaching out for a brush of the hands, both of them making a point to not keep things bottled up.

Years down the line, they’re holding each other in a quiet one-bedroom apartment, moonlight filtering through the curtains and resting delicately on the sheets they’re entangled in. It’s still not perfect, but this time, it doesn’t have to be. This time, they can breathe in deeply and just exist, no threat of armageddon on the horizon, no prying eyes of their friends (no matter how much they love them).

It's taken a lot to get here. But now, this time, they get to fall asleep thinking of each other, knowing that the other will be there when they wake.

It's enough.

**Author's Note:**

> ok listen this is very loosely based on secondhand serenade's fall for you, which is SUCH a riverbank song it hurts, and i couldn't not write this. thank u bri for indulging me!
> 
> i'm @choose__joy on twitter and thisisadingdongblog on tumblr!


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